I,,, just don't know where to start. It's too complicated and it ruins my thought. I want to tell these to everyone I know. But I just can not believe in them...
I want to make everyone feel bad at me, but not pity thing. I want someone who clearly understand what do I need. I want someone who accept me whatever I am without complaining. I want someone who adore me, love me, and take care of me as precious and rare human being. I just want... someone. And I know, I clearly know I can not get those aspects from someone. It's only come from God. My Jesus.
I'm dizzy right now. I can not hold my tears. I even can not control my sadness emotions in this midnight. I'm so screw up. I can not think of anything. I just want to let this end. I... just, can't and most of all, I need a hug. I need a shoulder to cry without being asked. I just need a place to spill out this thought without being pushed away after. Oh my Lord just please. Please please I'm begging you. : " (
I'm standing all alone now. I can not depend on anyone. I'm so fragile right now, like everyone can make me crash even with one touch. I feel so helpless. So low esteem. Low efficacy. I feel so empty and can not do anything worthy. I just need to lay down. But why everything I need is so contradictive? How can I be so inconsistent.. Oh why :(
I see changes after all. But I'm not in a peace state. I don't see any will make me satisfied or convincing me for the rest of my life. I still wondering why. Any clue? Any thought? Any circumstance? Need to get out of this stupid thought. Need to spread my wings wider and wider. Need to prepare myself for a bigger change. Or is this the way? Just if this is the way, please make me stronger and better.
I'm begging.
Please.
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