I Wish I Have Amnesia

I shouldn't know you. No. Not that. I shouldn't ... Meet you.

I knew that was the most beautiful moment in my life but yet, you left me. Also that is my first mistake. Ever. :') I just don't want to know you. Of course I make mistakes, everyone does. I forgive so do you. But when you left me, I don't do that. Even an inch.

I remember when you're humiliating me with those sentences in January, our first breakup story hahaha. I just can not run through the rain. My legs like... Frozen or something. Then I let you go. I sat down. I wanted to cry. :') you never know how much I keep my promises on you. But you don't.

I don't care about you, but I care too much and I hate that. I dream about you you you and you everynight and I don't want that happen as it's the opposite thing I want to do. I obsess with everything you do, everything you write, everything you think, and it's like drugs for me. Too addicted, even a day if I don't see anything from you, I lose something. Sh** gosh. -___- I feel so weak. Sigh.

I have so many good reasons why I have to move on, why I have to forget you, why I have to live my beautiful life. I always have much reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons, they're defeated by one small reason. A simple reason why I musn't do all of that stuff. Quite hard actually to stand with head lifted while distractions come along. And that reason is... You. My World. My Everything.

Even

Even the world has end now, I still have faith on You

Even I lose my way, even I have to struggle much or again and again, but I still have You.
Even I cry, even I have to hold my tears, You still here, hug me until I don't cry again.
Even I have to face this world alone, You make my paths way easier than usual.
Even I have to let someone go, even he/she is someone that I very loved, even I have to get heart break, You still know I can do it.
Even everybody left me, I will always have You by my side.

Thank You.
:')

"The moment I realized that you were gone, was the moment that I realized how madly in love I was with you."

Part 8

Emma butuh sesuatu untuk bernapas. Rasa sakit di dadanya terus menekan dirinya untuk terus menerus berhenti berusaha. Ia tidak tau apa yang sebenarnya sedang ia rasakan. Tangannya tak berhenti memukul dada supaya rasa sakit itu segera hilang seperti biasa. Namun, mengapa sekarang semakin tidak terkendali seperti ini?

Air mata terus mengalir dari pelupuk matanya, sungguh Emma berharap ia bisa menahannya. Ia tidak ingin menaruh begitu banyak make up untuk menutupi bengkak yang sekarang saja sudah hampir sebesar kacang polong. 

"Oh my hentikan! Aku tak ingin kembali membawa kantung hitam ini kemana-mana."

Tangannya berusaha meraih pergelangan kursi yang sedaritadi berada di depannya. Bahkan untuk bangkit pun butuh usaha ekstra. Emma tak tahan lagi dengan semua sakit di dadanya. Ia harus menghentikan ini. Tetapi ia tak ingin... Ia hanya tak bisa melakukannya. Kalau Alvin benar-benar orang yang Tuhan jodohkan untuknya, kenapa harus berakhir seperti ini?

Kenapa Tuhan?

***

今天！November!

Being too greedy it's not an option I think. Being too selfish either. I swore that noone saw me sleep with sorrow and heavy eyes except my doll. Damn doll even you could talk, I will push you away and never want to see you in front of my eyes. But I just can't. It's meaningful to me, even I want to sell it or throw ot every night or punch his big stomatch.